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Module 1: Pillars of Neurolinguistic Programming

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Rapport in Neurolinguistic Programming

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Video 1
Hello friends we are going to discuss rapport in neurolinguistic programming because rapport is ah one of the four pillars of neurolinguistic programming and we all know that neurolinguisticprogramming is a cognitive behaviour where we hit upon to get the maximum out of the best in ones person so what is rapport because the entire is based on the communication both verbal and non verbal so rapport is the first essential real communication in neurolinguistic programming now how to define rapport so this is one of the most important aspects of neurolinguisticprogramming when you are building a relationship with others and with yourself you want to build rapport rapport means a kind of understanding i mean the kind of establishing comfort zone with other so n l p teaches us great techniques that we use to quickly gain rapport with individuals who we deal with at work in our day today family life or a strangers we come across who we want to build rapport with quickly and easily because n l p is meant for thisonly i mean it is useful for the professionals for the ah communicators for the housewives for even a individual that how to get success in life or how to move ah in life smoothly so rapport is very important rapport is one of the most important featuresor characteristics of unconscious human interaction it can be described as a state of mutual trust and responsiveness between individuals or groups of people so what is rapport rapport is the feeling of being at ease and in tune with someone it is what we experience when engaging a mutually satisfactory relationship we have all had the experience of instantly feeling quite at ease with someone and the feeling of being instantly ill at ease with someone else in the first case there is a natural experience of rapport and in the later case rapport does not exists where your relation is quite bitter now in neurolinguistic programming we consider rapport to be the sense of harmony recognition and mutual acceptance that existsbetween people when they are at ease with one another and where communication is occurring easily why do one need to have rapport with someone just the very important question why do one need so when we are in rapport with someone the similarities between us are emphasised and the differences are minimised or played downnow this works because people like those who like themselves like likes like which is why we usually gravitate to people who are similar to us means we feel attraction towards the people who are like us means the similarity attracts people that is a kind of rapport is rapport a skill that is another question yes we naturally and effortlessly experience rapport with close friends or with people with whom we share an intense common interest now in such circumstances it occurs effortlessly and unconsciously because we are already in good relation with a friend with a relative but suppose you have to meet a stranger in your profession where you have to establish the rapport with him or her that can be a difficult task and to establish rapport you need a skill to move ahead now four r to create rapport very important respect they feel that they are respected as unique an equal with us individuals so this is the first point when you want to establish rapport with a stranger recognition their experience is that we are recognising their verbal and theirnon verbal communication and appropriately responding to each of this channel so a kind of acceptance then re assurance their relationship and their interaction with us is experienced as non threatening especially at the level of self esteem and finally responsibility their experience of communicating with us is effortless and seamless because we are acting responsively in that we are varying our means of communicating with them to make it easier for them should they want to do so or to relate with us so these are the four rs respect recognition reassurance and responsibility to establish rapport not with your friend but with a stranger and i think that in a professional world it requires a lot otherwise it is very difficult to work in an alien environment to make the environment comfortable and i mean full of you know friendly it is very important to establish rapport with the professional now in interpersonal communication the prior establishment of a good rapport can mean the difference between a successful productive communication and an unsuccessful non productive interaction so interpersonal communication is very important and as i said earlier that neurolinguistic programming is an entirely based on the verbalcommunication as well as the non verbal communication that is your gesture and posture so you have to be careful enough that how you proceed in while establishing a an effective communication so we can use rapport in interpersonal communication to encourage the person we are communicating with to relax to feel a sense of familiarity and comfort in their interaction with us and to lower the barriers of resistance and become more receptive to our communication now rapport means emphasising similarity which i discussed just now that what is rapport i mean if we find someone is similar to i mean my physical appearances and hobbies well i feel friendly him or her so rapport means emphasising similarities and in neurolinguistic programming rapport is a process of emphasising the similarities between us between the person and or playing the down the difference so people have been doing this for ages and nl p simply provides us with a way of clearly understanding the process or the mechanics of rapport that is to understand other now n l p makes rapport easier how because n l p neurolinguistic programming can give you various techniques to establish the rapport and it is easy to get along well with people with whom you share common interest and that is why most of us engage in a searching process when we first meet someone we look for commonground upon which to build rapport such as do we share an interest in the same sport suppose i mean the person who is interested in football and the other party is also interested in football well the discussion will go on and very quickly a i mean a kind of friendshipwill be established that is rapport then come from a similar part of the country or world well this is very common generally we ask a a person ah to whom we are in different that where are you coming and if we get the answer that he or she is coming from our ownarea or the region it gives us a kind of happiness and satisfactionwe we feel to i mean establish closeness ah with that person have children have no children have pets have no pets that is to say that the common point for discussion if you have a pet and the other also discussing regarding the problem regarding the activity of the pet similarly regarding the children share the same hobbies interest in food or drink pastimes like watching movie so one can discuss the various kind of movies with a person or go to a similar part of the world for holidays so these are the ah points which can establishrapport very quickly and if very cleverly you can ask the other party that what kind of hobby you have and where are you coming from you can carry on the discussion so as to establish rapport now this search for common interest can become almost desperate to thepoint where people try to discover if they share the same dislikes or fears or whether they have experienced the same aches allergies or even illness now rapport created or pre existing i mean it is already there or you are trying to create that is also a big question because these two are two different things created or pre existing so pre existing rapport i mean seeking shared interest like this is really ah just uncovering pre existing rapport that we did know existed it is how rapport is normally crated and is based how alike we already are as we were discussing there some of the points like same hobbies like from the same region like the problem of children so this is the pre existing hobbies and then after discussion or after knowing that uncovering pre existing rapport so it dies work and can even lead to lifelong friendship this is that kind of bond because if you have the same problem other also well you feel sympathetic and other also and that can bring you together so but it can take a lot of time and sometimes we need to be able to quickly relationships with people with whom we have little in common and who we may not even like as with work colleagues or customers now this is where the n l p approach to creating rapport comes in especially handy since it provides us with a range of ways of creating rapport above and beyond the pre existing common interest level created rapport because we are discussing the pre existed created ah rapport and the two main ways of creating rapport the first is using non verbal communication to build rapport and the other is taking a genuine win win approach to communicating with one another now using non verbal communication to build rapport means the same activities trying to create the similarities between the other activities other persons activities and the other is taking a genuine win winapproach win win approach means i mean creating the comfortable zone to communicating with one another now these two approaches work well together we can use non verbal rapport to smooth the way while we discover what we both wish to get out of the relationship but if we only use the non verbal approach and do not take their interest into account it is unlikely that the relationship will thrive rapport can actually lead to friendship now there is an interesting phenomenon that can occur when we approach rapport creating from the purely necessary or functional angle we need to get along with someone so we begin working at emphasising the similarities between us we begin creating rapport and we are now actively emphasising the similarities between us and playing down the differences this is precisely we opposite to what is subconsciously occurring when we dislike someone that is why deliberately created rapport can often result in our discovering that not only can we get along comfortably and efficiently with the other person but we may even begin liking them
Video 2
 Now in n l p rapport is described as the unconscious empathetic relationship to another person the quality of relationship that result in mutual trust and responsiveness so rapport is gained by understanding and respecting the way that another persons seesthe world it is like speaking their language it results in a feeling of comfort and commonality between people so rapport over a length of time evolves into trust now n l p rapport that is neurolinguistic programming rapport is the ability to relate to others in a way that create trust and understanding it is the ability to see the others pointof view and get them to understand yours you dont have to agree with their point of view or even like it it makes any form of communication easier now successful interactions dependslargely on our ability to establish and maintain rapport as we discussed that ah communication interpersonal communication and non verbal communication very important to establish rapport surprisingly we make most business decisions based on rapport rather than technical merit yes it is negotiation and persuasion now negotiation and persuasion two very important skills of rapport and neurolinguistic programming so it through rapport that we try negotiate and try to persuade so you are more likely to by from agree with or support someone you can relate to than someone you cant so n l p rapport techniques like many other aspects of neurolinguistic programming are quite settle but extremely powerful in their implications and effects dictionaries define rapport as a relationship marked by harmony conformity accord or affinity it supports agreement alignment likeness or similarity now emphasising similarities there are two ways to see other people you can choose to emphasise the differences or the similarities between you you can always find things you have in common with someone even if it is just being human likewise there will always be differences between you and another even clones would have differences different experiences so if you emphasise the differences you will find it hard to establish rapport by emphasising commonalities resistance and antagonism will generally disappear and cooperation will improve with practice it becomes easy to find what we share with other people and focus on it now n l p rapport with body language this is also very important aspect because as we all know that non verbal communication is very important so one way to create rapport is by matching the other persons body language by by mirroring the way they carry themselves you are communicating to their subconscious that i am just like you people definitely like people who are similar to them and this is ah i mean this point already discussed similarity attract so this is a great way to get along with someone new or to create rapport so matching body language is not mimicry i mean this is the wrong interpretation you dont just copy every little movement the other person makes you have to be settle otherwise people are going to think that you are aninsensitive ah deranged copy cat lunatic for want of a better phrase so you have to look into the i mean the situation that how to ah create that kind of ah rapport by following the same body behaviour gesture posture to create rapport see the other persons bodylanguage suppose as a dance a dance where they take the lead dance with them by matching body language but do so i mean delicately because the other party may not feel that you are just trying to copy or it is a kind of you know fun making activity and easy way to do this is by matching posture if you are sitting with someone and they are crossing their legs it is fine to cross yours in the same way if they lean forward when they speak you can lean forward too if they start to lean back feel free to do so accordingly so it goes without saying that facial gestures can be matched inoffensively for example if somebody smiles at you it is perfectly fine to smile back immediately if they play with their hair or twiddle a pen a pen ah you can do so too just try not to make too big a dealof it all of these little gestures will be picked up by the other persons subconscious and will affirm the believe that you are just like them so they are worth playing with creating neurolinguistic programming rapport with body language gets a little trickier when you attempt to match similar movement that the other person makes when you try this you have to be a little more sensitive if you start copying every little move that they make you will quickly be rambled so scuttled is the aim here now for example if the other person move their arms you can match this by gently moving your hand on the corresponding side in the same direction if they move their body match by moving or nodding your head to follow the direction they take it is almost as if you make a little tribute move for every larger move that they make now you can even attempt to match breathing the other person that is breathe at the same speed and at the same depth and they do but sometime it is difficult the techniques i mean these techniques are the example of what neurolinguistic programming calls cross over mirroring pacing is also one of the important ah ways to establish rapport so n l p rapport is established and maintained by pacing by definition this is the process of moving as the other person moves pacing or matching accepts the otherpersons behaviour and meets them in their model of the world it is about reducing the differences between yourself and others at an unconscious level now you can pace or match many different aspects of behaviour of courts if the other person is aware you are matching their behaviour it becomes mimicry obvious attempts to copy people will break rapport successful pacing is at an unconscious level when rapport is established you can influence the other persons behaviour if you like to know if you have rapport you can make a movement and find out if they follow you for instance you might scratch your nose and see if the other persons does the same what you can match matching is something we all do naturally in some context what what happens when someone talks to a small child they might crouch down to the child height talk more slowly or excitedly or talking to your senior becoming very courteous in terms of body posture too now body posture you can adjust your whole body half body or part of your body to match the other matching typical poses that the other person offers with their head and shoulders is useful ifthe body posture is unusual however matching can seem disrespectful certainty is vital breathing you can match the rate of persons breathing as well where they are breathing chest abdomen stomach or how deep this is not a good technique if the person has difficulty with breathing as you may feel similar symptoms this this this is a kind of mockery making fun out of other problem so in breathing one has to be very careful while trying to establish rapport voice matching the pace volume pitch tone type of words is a little tricky to learn but worth it try watching a t v programme in a foreign language in all that you notice these auditory processing distinction you dont have to try to match all these aspects choose one if a person is talking slowly slow down if they speak softly drop your volume too beliefs and values very important path of neurolinguistic programming authentically trying to understand another persons beliefs that is the ideology and values without judgement can create very deep rapport once again you dont have to agree with themor change any of your own values the goal is to understand language patterns matching language pattern is favourite n l p rapport technique with sales and marketing people and especially for the management professionals to acquire a a peculiar kind of language to impress other you by using the same words to describe things and processes the person feels ah understood now listen for their power words i mean words used by the other we have often learnt to paraphrase what someone says rather than use the same words we call it active listening and this is may mistake when it comes to n l p rapport we attach particular words to corresponding experiences if someone says she wants to be confident and you talk about her capability you can miss the rapport ah both because the capability and the confidence matching representational systems can be very powerful and subtle has anyone had a conversation like this i just cant see the big picture here well you need not you need to read the instruction more carefully this is a mismatch of representationalsystem you see the first sentence like i just cant see the big picture here and the other well you need to read the instruction more carefully there is no connection between these sentences and it is the complete mismatch representational system now pacing and leading building rapport is about pacing and another persons reality so that they get the sense that you are with them wherever they are in the world if you are able to hold this space for another person where they get the experience that they are with someone who truly understand them then you have a depth of rapport from this open connective space you can facilitate real change that is why pacing and leading very important for establishing rapport before doing that you can test if you rapport matching and mirroring the other person and then matching them and see if they follow now some examples are taking a step backwards to see if they take a step backward crossing and uncrossing your legs picking up your glass and taking a sip now if they follow you and begin matching and mirroring you then you know you are in rapport so developing rapport skills ah is a kind of you know practice the more you will become aware of different rhythm gesture breathing pattern that you and others have it is fascinating to enter another persons map of the world you try to capture the mind of the person by mirroring their behaviour you can learn so much more about them and in this through this way so be sure to be subtle in mirroring when establishing rapport if the other person is making grant sweeping gestures you may choose to make similar but smaller less obvious movements now in the beginning it may feel awkward but the value in learning to achieve and maintain rapport is worth the time andeffort it takes to become skilled in this area of communication mirroring is something we automatically do when we are around people we feel comfortable with so to learn to mirror purposely in order to gain rapport enables us to enhance our communication with others and have the support of everyone we meet to help us achieve our outcomes and goals success is really based on good communication skills and trusting relationship so rapport is veryimportant the secret of developing such relationship comes down in rapport rapport is sometime something which happen naturally and when we meet new people sometime so we have to be very careful that unconsciously undramatically we establish a kind of rapport with other it is a kind of skill which can be developed by using our sensory acuity that is all eyes and the smell and the ear and the nose to read other people and to adjust our approach or our level of communication if necessary in order to achieve the desired outcomehaving similar ideas using similar speech patterns agreeing with an acting similarly to other people helped us to develop a stronger rapport with them and these are all techniques which are the part of neurolinguistic programming so by establishing good rapport at the outset we can gain commitment from the other party conscious or unconscious to trust the process even when they do not fully understand what the process works and what the ultimate outcomewill do so this is all about rapport and i am sure that you must have understood the importance of rapport neurolinguistic programming is meant for giving you confidence confidence in your activity in your profession in your personal life or as an individual so with the help of neurolinguistic programming controlling commanding your neuro language that is nervous system you can establish rapport to excel in the society as well as in the professional world so these are the points that we we discussed just now that respecting recognition and then reframing mirroring matching we can convince a person that yes there is not much difference between you and me and as i said that for the professionals especially in sales and marketing well negotiation and persuasion very important part and when talk of negotiation and persuasion rapport is one of the most important aspects for ah ah to establish negotiation and persuasion so dear student go through it very seriously try to apply it as i said that mirroring some of the things i mean at several places you have to apply your common sense it is not something what is written is the final verdict well this is just the point highlighting you know your ah knowledge towards neurolinguistic programming but out of all such techniques it is you who has to decide finally that which technique is going to give you satisfaction and success for that you have to think you have to read carefully all the technique and i am sure that you will be able to get success in your life thank you very much